How To Stop Being Derailed By Your Emotions

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What the world doesn't see is the dynamic whirlwind of beneath the surface. Just as the world doesn't see the dynamics underneath our own surface. Sometimes they come and go as simple sensations like waves on a shore. Sometimes the undercurrents seem rougher. Yet our emotions aren't meant to hamstring or derail us.

They are sophisticated mechanisms designed to help us deal quickly and automatically with threats and opportunities that may be present in our environment. They work in tandem with your past experiences to let us KNOW when there is an issue that needs to be dealt with that's KEY to our survival. Now a days while survival isn't at stake, but our emotions are still fully operational. Many times, our emotions are simply sensations that don't require analysis. Other times, especially if an emotion is chronic, it's triggering deep, unresolved issues.

So the next time you're caught up in a whirlwind of anger, frustration, fear or hurt. Get curious and honest with yourself:

What's this REALLY about?

What about this event is triggering these emotions?

How sure am I that I didn't misread the situation?

Who or what am I blaming and therefore not taking responsibility for?

What am I making this event mean? How real is that meaning?

What's the lesson?

Here's the thing: your emotions, while they sometimes may seem to get in your way, they're actually your body's way of conspiring to help you! The problem is that we aren't taught how to understand, much less use them correctly. Because in actuality, emotions are there to tell us something about ourselves that need to be resolved. Because once resolved, they won't hold power or sway of us. Isn't that good to know?

How To Improve Your Presence, Confidence and Health In 2 Minutes!

It’s crucial to bear in mind that your psychology affects your physiology and vice versa!

Your perceptions affect your physiology, and your physiology subsequently affects your psychology. Your psychology in turn affects your perceptions. They are linked and looped.

When you perceive something good, something that supports or excites you, in that moment you feel your energy perk up. You sit straighter and you open up your torso. Your eyes may widen in excitement. You may even have a smile on your face. You body becomes more at ease and there may even be a more pleasant cadence to your voice. You even breath deeper...

However, when you perceive something uncomfortable, draining, challenging, or nonsupporting, your physiology responds in kind. Your shoulders slump, and your head goes down. Your torso collapses. A sour expression may cross your face and eyes. You feel an internal resistance, or a lump in your chest, or a sense of dread in your gut. Your breath becomes shallow. Your tone becomes quiet or monotone. You're hesitant in your speech and behavior. You come across as lacking presence and confidence. The problem is that over prolonged time, what affect do you think this will have on your body? It leads to depression and to health issues. If you constantly feel stagnant, your body may become stagnant. Your metabolism may slow which contributes to weight gain. You're not getting nearly as much oxygen in your system so your body becomes starved for it. All which may even depress your immune system leaving you susceptible to illness and disease. You may be experiencing it right now and not even realize it in the forms of chronic fatigue, adrenal fatigue, or hypothyroidism. It could raise or lower your pressure to unhealthy levels. This further affects your mood, focus and ability to concentrate. This in turn causes your mood to depress even more. Bad physiology leads to poor health, which reinforces negative feelings. It forms a downward spiral. How do I know? Because I've experienced all of this.

I've been in prolonged environments where I felt unsupported, overworked, undervalued, minimized. Frustrated because I wasn't heard. Resentful because I was taken for granted. Stagnating because I felt stuck at a dead end job and relationship. Weighed down because I juggled multiple responsibilities, but felt as if I had my hands tied behind my back. Stress and uncertainty were high, and support and security were low. It affected my mood and led to chronic issues, which further depressed my mood and took a toll on my overall health and wellness. This is what started me on the journey to exploring, understanding, and practicing mastery of my own mind.

If you are already feeling those negative affects, chances are, the writing was on the wall. It didn't happen overnight. These negative affects are a feedback system to your conscious mind to let you know that you're are lopsided in your perceptions.  So if you want to balance your physiology, you also have to balance your mind. Any experience of polarized emotions, is a sign that your perceptions are imbalanced, and the physiological response provides you with the evidence. Much of the symptoms your body is expressing is the body's way of revealing these polarized areas of your life.

The first thing to do is always become aware. As I said before, chances are, that the writing has been on the wall.

The next thing you need to do is to hijack your physiology. If you want to change and balance your mind and emotions, the fastest way is a radical change in your physiology. You have to start with your body, not with your head. If you start with your head, your mind will rationalize its way to staying the same. It makes excuses. The sense of loss or what could go wrong looms larger than the potential gains and benefits. It's a persistent emotional pattern that is prevalent across the board with people. In addition, to our minds, status quo, no matter how bad, is always more comfortable then change. Albert Einstein even said, you can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it. So we have to start with our physiology. Whenever we feel an emotion, whether it is positive or negative, our body expresses it before, during, and even after. So if we want to feel more positive and assertive, model the behavior of someone who IS feeling those emotions. This may even mean changing your environment and hanging around very different behavior. Because you're subconsciously going to model the people you are most likely around. Take a look at the people you spend the most time with and you'll confirm this is true. Even when you're on your own, find a private area and stand like Superman or Wonder Woman for just 2 minutes. Stand with your feet planted squarely and apart, back erect, head high, hands on your hips, breathing deeply and easily. You can enhance this practice by playing uplifting and empowering music in the background. A former trainer of mine loved to play We Are the Champions by Queen! When you do, this for 2 minutes, regardless if you're male or female, your testosterone will increase by approximately 20%. Your cortisol, which is a stress hormone will decrease by as much as 15%! With more testosterone and less stress, you'll be more likely to be more assertive, take the right action and be more balanced!

With this new frame of mind, the next thing to do is to step back from the situation, remove yourself from being in it and look at it. From there, have an honest and hard look at your perceptions. 

Where are you avoiding responsibility?

How did you contribute to creating the situation?

Where are you placing blame to remove it from yourself?

Where in your life are you failing to 'control' the situation - or your expectations about a situation not being fulfilled, and therefore resenting yourself and others?

What actions can I take that will elevate this situation, myself and everyone involved? (Even if you don't elevate the people around you, you elevated the only person you have control over... yourself!)

The answers to these questions can illuminate a store of much resentment and other toxic emotions. These emotions are not only toxic to your mind, but also to your body and to those around you. 

This will go a long way to balancing your system. When you elevate your physiology, you elevate your psychology. Elevating your psychology will allow you to shift and elevate your perception. The more you do it, the more your body will return to an elevated equilibrium. Depending on how much negative emotions you've felt and for how long, your body may have developed a negative homeostatic state. If so, it will take time, but the more you practice it, the easier it will become!

When Accomplishing Everything You've Set Out To Do Just Isn't Enough

I wanted to share with you what happened in a very powerful session I had with a young athlete I worked with over the past weekend.

She and I have been working together for some time now. We've been meeting about every other month for almost a year now.

Over the time of working with her, she's accomplished everything she's ever wanted:

  1. She had become self reliant of herself for validation.
  2. She overcame her subconscious need to please other which held her back from pushing out of her comfort zone.
  3. She had embraced being herself unapologetically, vice toning herself down or being something she was not which in the past had kept her playing small and achieving her personal best. 
  4. She was now consistently qualifying and hitting her personal best.
  5. She was the top in her weight class and looking to move to the next level.

So what could possibly have been this issue? 

What brought her to me originally was that she hadn't performed her best at a trial that would have qualified her to move to the next level. In other words, when it really counted. This were a huge setback in her career as an athlete and in her confidence. But even now, after she's made a huge comeback, she was feeling overwhelmed with the sudden shift in changes.  All this was still so new to her. There was also feelings of guilt and resentment to people on her team, others around her and even herself. These feelings were manifesting in ways that weren't supporting her in achieving her goals. If left unchecked, would ultimately sabotage her.

This is one reason people have roller coaster results. When we fail to hit a mark, it's humbling. We're forced to face, accept and correct things about ourselves. Then we dig deep and focus on the task at hand that causes them to rise from their slump. Then once we have a few accomplishments under our belt, it's not uncommon for our mind to tell us stories on how things 'should' be. To become impatient with our progress, others around us and even ourselves. When we listen to and buy into these stories, we shift our focus away from the tasks that caused us to rise. We're instead consumed with thoughts on where we should be, what could go wrong, what should happen, and any other irrelevant thing other than high value actions. That's when we start our downward decent. 

Aside from performance stresses, there's the social dynamics with the people with whom we work with or those who are influential in our lives. Whether it's feeling torn between our own desires and meeting the expectations or obligations of others, envy or resentment with those who have achieved something we have not yet, friction with others that chafes at us, or perhaps something else entirely. People have a tendency to downplay and dismiss these dynamics. When they do, they fail to realize how much influence it has on us, or how draining and distracting it can be. Whether we like it or not, everything is connected and compartmentalizing will only get you so far before it all becomes too overwhelming to ignore. Over time, it may seem as if everything starts screaming at or caving down around you. This further distracts us contributes to our downward decent. And then, we wonder how we got so far down a hole, when the writing on the wall has been there all along.

But fortunately she had the awareness too reach out...

The first thing we did was become aware of and unraveled all the different issues at hand. Break them all down into manageable chunks. We explored her subconscious mind to discover what she was making these events mean, the stories her mind was telling her, and the root to where all this was coming from. It wasn't surprising to find that all roads led back to one thing: He hadn't yet accepted her past, how far she'd come and where she was at. She was becoming impatient with the journey and over focused on the destination. This was the root of her feelings of guilt and resentment. While it felt as if it had to do with others, it really had only to do with herself. 

In the past, she wasn't ready which is why she went through this whole process. Now that she's done the work to BE ready now, we had to reframe how she saw things. There's a huge myth that people achieve overnight success and just 'arrive.' That they did so without setbacks, and once they're 'here,' they don't have to keep doing the same work as they did before. And why not? When we've paid our dues, haven't we earned that right to cease to do the work on ourselves? It's very common for high achieving, type-A people to become impatient and fall into this trap.

This couldn't be further from the truth. The truth is that it's a life long process. The people who rise to the top did so not because there were no setbacks. They did so because that they learned from and moved forward despite it. They allowed it to make them an even stronger and better person. They didn't wallow in it or take their focus off the task at hand.  It's not to say that they never felt disappointed, it's that they moved through it by facing it as quickly as possible. The more we put it off, the longer it takes. Our overall success is the sum of all our success, our setbacks and how well and how quickly we moved past at it. The quicker we realize this, the quicker we rise to the top again, and the longer we have to revel in it.

What it really came down to was a reminder to listen to what our emotions have to say. It's giving us INFORMATION. Instead of ignoring it, be honest, authentic, and real with ourselves. Which is exactly what she did so brilliantly! Now in the place of overwhelm, resentment, and impatience were gratitude, pride, and excitement!

With practice it becomes easier to listen. And when it becomes easier to listen, then it's less likely that these things will build up to the point where it seems like we're out of control. When we can do this with ourselves, only then can we authentically do it with others. Then, we can accept who we are, where we are in relationship to others, and grow from the gap in each others strengths. This allows us to take back control over the only thing that is truly in our control, ourselves.

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What Quitting Really Means...

Quitting doesn't means I can't do it. Quitting actually means that the physical, emotional and/or mental pain is too much to continue. 

The problem is that our perception of the pain we're feeling NOW combined with the pain that we EXPECT we'll feel in the future is too much for us to handle. But the key here is that this is our PERCEPTION of what's going on now and what we are EXPECTING. 

What would happen if we paused for a moment and considered:

What am I making this situation mean to me and about me?

What would happen if I knew that in the long run, this is a good thing?

How can I use this experience to my advantage?

What are my expectations saying about my state of mind? Is it positive or negative?

What outcome am I currently attached to that's causing me to fee this way?

Now keep in mind a key distinction, walking away from an unhealthy or unprofitable situation after exhausting all efforts for a win-win situation is not quit. It's cutting your losses!

You see our expectations and perceptions are driven by our belief systems that are nesting deep in our subconscious mind. Everyone experiences hardships. Everyone has good and bad things happen. However everyone is NOT reacting in the same way... And how we react is KEY. What dictates our reactions are our belief systems that shape our expectations and perceptions. So if you constantly feel are expecting or feeling negative emotions, it's because we experienced significant emotional events in the past, classified them as negative, and we're afraid of a negative future experience. What we have to do is go back to those major significant events and RECLASSIFY and REFRAME them. You can do this by asking yourself:

What's the gift from that experience?

How am I stronger for having experienced it?

What good things wouldn't I have now if I didn't have those experiences?

How has it shaped me in a good way to make me the person I am today that I otherwise wouldn't be?

While I can't control the situation, I CAN control how I react... How can I react differently that would better serve me?

Ponder these things and be brave enough to be real and honest with yourself about the answers. You might surprise yourself... 

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How to Bounce Back From a Bad Performance Like a BOSS!

I shot my worst round from the 27 yard line than I've ever shot in 4 months, and last night was when it counted. Last night our Spring League team shoot against the first place team. We are currently second out of 24. Unfortunately, our whole team underperformed. The first round at the 16 yard line, we were down a man. Five minutes before we're about to shoot, he's a no show and didn't even bother calling us. We had to call him. He wouldn't be there until the second round. Not a fun way to start. The other team brought their A-Game, we lost 2 points on the first round. The second round from the 27 we had a full team, but as a collective, it was our worse round this season.

I've been shooting on and off all my life. My Aunt taught me to shoot a rifle when I was 3 years old. Both her and my Uncle were 1st place in whatever competition they'd set their mind to. I've a knack for it too. I guess you could say it runs it runs in the family. I started off with rifle, then pistol, then archery, back to rifle then finally made my way to shotgun as of two years ago. 

Everything is different with trap. The target is moving. The way you mount the gun is different. The trigger pull, the eye focus, and the point of aim varies. Up until 6 months ago, all I've ever shot was at the 16, and the occasional 20 yard line. The Winter League, which was my first League required that we shoot from the 16 and then the 27 yard line for most the season because of our standing. This was a WHOLE new ball game for me. The point of aim, lead, amount of movement, and timing was different. I think the first time I shot it, I shot a 10 out of 25. It was pretty ugly, but this was a golden opportunity! It pushed me to shoot quicker and better than I ever would have pushed myself recreationally. Shooting, especially trap, isn't a mindless sport. It requires you to hit a spinning target flying from a house at 40-50 mph in an array of random directions. It takes focus, quick reflexes and precision. My practice became more deliberate. Consistency and patience was key. As an added bonus, as my average from the 27 yard line improved, so did my average from the 16. By the end of the Winter Season, my average was better than more than half the guys on the league who were long time regulars. 

Was it because I had a decent composition of both nature and nurture on my side that allowed me to excel so quickly? Then how do I explain shooting as if I'd never shot at the 27 yard line before when it counted, or the team as a whole shooting bad? Maybe I just didn't have enough nature or nurture on my side? Maybe my head wasn't in the right place? Then how do you explain the whole team underperforming? We we caught in a negative flow, where one off shooter entrained the whole team into doing poorly? How do I bounce back from one or all of that?

There are two keys to bouncing back:

The first is to keep your head in the right place and not to beat yourself up, question or doubt yourself. If you have two players with identical talent and skill, the one that will pull through the most consistently will be the one with the best mindset. The one who instead of beating himself up, which only leads to a downward spiral, takes it in stride. The one who understands that you can be the best, but not always perform at your best. There are many factors that play into optimal performance. If just one of them is off, it can have an effect. Therefore it doesn't say or mean anything about you personally.

Ask yourself:

"What story am I telling myself about what this means?"

"What story am I telling myself on what this means about me?"

"When and where did this story come from?"

The key it to systematically analyze what factors weren't in line, isolate and train for it, and then integrate it into the whole. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can focus and start working on what you need to do. Where you need to step it up. That way you're getting better at it before your competition does. That way while your competition is having a pity party or maybe getting cocky from a victory and dropping their guard, you're tightening your game. You're profiting from a 'failure.'

The second is deliberate practice. While nature and nurture play a part, it's only a part. Psychologists and neuroscientists are turning previous assumptions of this age old debate on its head. The question had evolved to: how much nature and how much nature is the sweet spot? And now, Anders Ericsson and Neil Charness, professors in psychology, are saying that, “The traditional view of talent, which concludes that successful individuals have special innate abilities and basic capacities, is not consistent with the reviewed evidence. Differences between expert and less accomplished performers reflect acquired knowledge and skills or physiological adaptations effected by training, with the only confirmed exception being height.”

In Malcom Gladwell's book Outliers, he formulated that it takes 10,000 hours. But even after 10,000 hours, he nuanced that there is still a separation between the Elite and the 'weekend warrior." What truly separates them is deliberate practice. I experienced this during the Winter League. The reason why I picked up the sport fairly quickly was perhaps because I had previous experience shooting. Therefore I didn't have any bad habits and had a great foundation. Maybe it was a little bit of genes, but who knows. But they both only got me so far. The reason I excelled so quickly during the winter season was because of the way I practiced. Guys on the range would tell me when I was struggling with something, "Just keep practicing, you'll get it." But I knew better. If you practice the wrong thing over and over again, you are just getting better at doing it wrong.  Shooting from the 27 yard line, the target looks smaller and faster, it forced me to be quicker and focus harder. I was pushing the envelop of speed and complexity. I moved to a U4 Mueller choke, the tightest there is. Whereas most guys shoot with an Improved Modified, which has a wide room for error. In simplest terms, I had the tightest room for error, while most people have a wider more forgiving room for error. I minimized my room for error. So I had to be even more accurate. I would ask guys to watch my shots, so when I missed, I'd know if I was above, below, in front or behind. Therefore I could make adjustments instead of blindly shooting without any point of reference if I missed. Therefore I was constantly seeking specific and constructive feedback. 

So that's exactly what I'm going to do. Go back to the range, isolate the problem, train on it, then integrate it into the whole. 

In summary, your psychology and your practice have to be working in tandem. Have a mindset of profiting from your failures. When it comes to practice, be deliberate. The key to deliberate practice is: to push the envelop of speed and complexity, minimize room for error, and ruthlessly seek immediate, specific and constructive feedback. 

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How to Set Ourselves Up for Success Daily

Moping, fretting, frantic hurry, indecision, irritated, discouraged or despair... We all feel a wide array of negative emotions from time to time. There's nothing wrong with feeling them, it becomes a problem when we spend most of our time and energy feeling that way. When we let those feelings guide our actions... When those feelings become the baseline at which we live our life... The problem gets really real when we let those feeling steal our very LIFE from us. No baby is born into this world predestined to become negative or to spend the rest of his or her life that way. On the contrary, when a baby is brought into the world, it's full of LIFE. That same life is in the very redwood tree that allows it to grow to heights of 250 feet tall and over 25 feet in diameter! Every redwood seed and seedling is born with that same potential! We are all no different...

The biggest myth is that our environment and the circumstances we experience restricts us. When actually it's our BELIEFS and subsequent RESPONSES to the environment and life's circumstances that restrict us. For example, with some plants you could put them in a pot and the walls of the pot restricts the roots and the plant becomes stunted. But what about those plant's who's roots burst through those pots? Have you have seen a sidewalk lifted and cracked by the roots of a large tree? Why didn't they just stay restricted? Or take an elephant cub that is chained to a post, when it grows to full adulthood, it's captors replace the chain with a rope. The elephant could easily snap the road, but in it's 'mind' it thinks it's trapped. It's not the rope that restricts the elephant, it's the elephant's belief and responses that restricts it.

The response that break through the rope or the pot that holds us back is Resolve. Here are typical ranges or responses when we hit our proverbial wall or rope:

  1. I can't do it: If you accept this belief, then there is no moving forward.
  2. I don't know if I can do it: Some part of you doesn't accept that you can't, and some part of you does. Your resolve is weak. When your resolve is weak, your intentions and your response will also be weak. Therefore, how can you expect anything but weak results?
  3. I don't know I can do it, but I'll try: The resolve in this response is stronger than the previous, but it's still not 100%. When you're not 100% committed, are you really going to give 100% of your full potential? Or are you limiting yourself to 100% of what you're willing to commit? You see there's a very huge distinction difference between 100% our FULL potential, and 100% of our what we're willing to give when we are in a state of doubt.
  4. I can do it but I don't know how: The resolve here is much stronger, but our full potential is being dampened by thoughts of "how am I going to get this done...", "why does this always seem to happen to me...?" 
  5. I can do it, but...: Same thing, we're still focusing on the problem vice our response to it.
  6. I'm going to do it: We fully resolve ourselves to finding a solution. We may not have one at hand, but our awareness is focused on searching for and finding it. 

Resolve sets our intentions and gives us the inspiration needed to change our beliefs. When our resolve waivers, our belief in ourselves may waivers. It's our intention to hold on to our resolve and to stay inspired that makes or breaks us. Inspiration in turn fuels our resolve. One feeds into the other and fuels our momentum forward. The focus therefore needs to be on cultivating our resolve, surrounding ourselves with inspiration, gathering inspiration from our environment, and doing away with anything that detracts us from this. 

How do we set ourselves up for success on a daily basis? The feelings and attitudes you hold when you first wake up very much dictates the rest of your day. So the question to ask every morning is:

 What shall I spend my energy and day focused on? 

Who do I need to be and how do I need to feel in order to accomplish what I desire? 

How can I focus my energy and attitude to being that?

The thing to understand here is that what inspires us is different for everyone. The principle though still remains the same. So whatever it is that inspires us, we have to focus on it. Whether through prayer or demanding it of yourself, we have to call forth the resolve to do that. That way we keep the idea and feeling in the forefront of our mind as much as possible. That keeps our mind constantly in the right direction. That takes work. Somedays, it takes more work than others. Remember: What we dwell on is what we attract. 

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What's REALLY Holding You Back...

What I know about you, like everyone I've asked, and every single one of us on this planet, is that you are struggling to some degree with fears, anger, shame, guilt, resentment or insecurities. Some more than others. We are predestined to have these blocks in the form of limiting beliefs because it is our destiny to OVERCOME them. Like the 12 Labors of Hercules as a rite of passage!

By overcoming them, we escape the blocks we have set against themselves in our minds. Because it is our own minds and our inner critic that is our greatest rival and trial that we must face in our lifetime. 

The problem is that we don't realize that the real issue is our own limiting beliefs about the problem. We've been conditioned by our culture and society that it's something or someone else that's blocking us. We believe these blocks are external to us. But by assigning blame and responsibility to something or someone external to us, we give up our control. We give up our way out. It's easier to do this because then we don't have to step up to the plate, own up to and live with our decisions. We don't have to show up and face our problems. And why would we want to? Facing ourselves really and truly is the hardest thing for us to do. So we make the problem something external to us. When we do, we've inadvertently created our own prison, walked through it, closed the door, and thrown away the keys. All to keep us safe from ourselves

But facing our problems is really the only way to solve them. To get to the other side, we must go through ourselves. We must overcome our fears and failures. Sometimes it's as easy as shifting our state, yet sometimes it requires a little bit of personal archeology. If that's the case, the trick is to get to the root cause of where those fears and negative emotions started. Sometimes it can be difficult to find because we have had significant emotional events that take place that jar us and throw us off. But the reason they impacted us so much was because it triggered an older emotional wound. This emotional wound most likely occurred around or before age 6.  The reason for that is by the time we are 6 years old, we have 80% of our belief systems in place. By age 12 we have 90% of our beliefs and programs in place. By 18 we have 95% of them all set to go. Those programs and beliefs are what we are STILL operating on to this day.

So with whatever issue is most pressing, ask yourself:

What's the earliest memory you have of experiencing this issue and these emotions?

Who was it with?

What was the situation?

What did I make that situation mean?

What beliefs and decisions did I make for myself to keep me safe from it?

Those beliefs and decisions may have served me in the past in that old context, but are they really serving me now?

As you're thinking about the situation and watching it play out in your minds eye, ask yourself:

What's the POSITIVE lesson, that once learned would heal that old wound and subsequent ones like it?

Once we have the lesson, notice what's different! Notice how your view of your life and the past has changed...

Also be mindful that you've gone YEARS living with this old pattern that no longer serves us. Our body and automatic responses may take a little time integrating this into our new way of being. Be gentle with yourself. It's like learning to first walk or ride a bike, you have first find your balance and then build the muscle memory until it becomes automatic. Also be mindful and aware of your thoughts and automatic responses. Notice what's different. When this is done, do it with another issue that may come up. Rinse and repeat. Be willing to dig deep. My clients us this same process to get tremendous results. We're an ever evolving work in progress! The path of progress is THROUGH ourselves! 

PS. If you're curious about my services, please don't hesitate to contact me or CLICK HERE for more info!

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How to Be Free From Thoughts of "I'm Not Good Enough"

The belief that "I'm not good enough" is one of the most common limiting beliefs I come across. The reason this is that one of our most primal instincts is to fit in, to belong and to be accepted. Because being rejected meant loss of safety, nurturing, love and resources from those we depend on. This behavior still carried forward to us today to when were infants and children dependent on our guardian. We need our guardians in order to survive! The problem is that as we grow older and less dependent, we don't always become self aware of this shift. We still 'think' deep down that we need some form of acceptance for our survival. It's why rejection may feel sometimes like an existential crisis!. But depending on the context and another person's expectations, we can't always fit the bill. As a result we may feel negative emotions in response rejection such as hurt, abandoned, unwanted, isolated, and/or unloved. The other problem is the meaning we assign to it. It all links back to our reaction to our earliest experiences of another's rejection or disappointment with us. It doesn't matter whether the other person intended or didn't intend. What we made it 'mean' then, is what we are still making it mean now. Furthermore, we carry those voices of our earliest rejections, no matter how distant the in past they are, and therefore they STILL have power over us. We then build fences around ourselves to keep out the things that cause those negative emotions.

We buy into the story and think to ourselves:

If only I could be more like...

If only I could do things as well as....

If only I were better...

I'm not worth it..

Nobody cares..

My opinion and ideas don't matter...

I don't matter...

I should just give up now...

We made a choice so long ago, with a limited amount of resources of what rejection meant and how we would react moving forward. These thoughts became automatic, and it's ALL linked to our past programming.

The good news is you can redefine what past and future rejection means. If you accept another person's perception as the only truth, then you will diminish yourself. And when you are constantly diminishing yourself, isn't it a wonder that being confident, having self esteem and being assertive becomes a challenge? 

So how do you start choosing yourself when you may have spent so many years accepting other's rejection? What if instead of thinking of it as a rejection of 'you', you trained yourself to think that it was really a matter of preference? For example, have you ever said no to someone? Or didn't like someone's idea? Was it really a rejection of THAT person or it just didn't fit into your box of preferences?

Here's another thing to think about: How much of your rejection is actually you rejecting yourself before you even gave yourself a shot? In other words, before you even put yourself out there, how much have you already told yourself that you're NOT good enough? 

When you do this, and you ARE rejected, you reinforce those old feelings with thoughts like:

I knew better...

Why do I even bother?

This 'always' happen to me...

And when you reinforce thoughts like this, you are unknowingly PROGRAMMING yourself to move away from and avoid ANYTHING that causes you that kind of pain. But when you avoid putting yourself out there so that you won't get hurt, how are you ever going to be able to go after what you want? When you do this, you're programming yourself to settle...

When you AREN'T rejected though, now you're so grateful that someone else sees the worth in you, that you run the risk of subordinating your wants, desires and your self to that other person. You run the risk of doing whatever it takes to please them, even at the cost of your own well being...

Do you see the chain reaction of events? Are you beginning to see the full picture of the stories we made up for ourselves that have no validity except in our head? Do you see how we can get caught up in our own perception and interpretation of reality, based on someone else's reality? Isn't it about time that we start telling ourselves a different story? 

The easiest way to do this is to break down the events and ask yourself:

What am I making this situation mean?

What about this situation with me, isn't fitting into their preferences?

What does this situation say about their preferences?

Why is it important to fit myself into their preferences instead of finding something more suited for mine?

How can I position my strengths as an asset to their preference?

Where and with who would I be a better fit with?

What opportunities and lessons can I take from this event?

Do this RUTHLESSLY and RELENTLESSLY. The more you do, the more you build up your confidence. And the more you build up your confidence, the more conviction you will have in yourself. The more conviction you have in yourself, the more freedom you'll have from these negative emotions. The more freedom from these negative emotions you have, the more peace of mind you will possess and the more your brilliance will shine through! Remember: Your brilliance shows up in your own unique way. 

PS. If you're curious about my services, please don't hesitate to contact me or CLICK HERE for more info!

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Why You Might As Well Be Naked

To blame is to believe you are a victim. To believe you are a victim is to wrap yourself in a cloak of powerlessness, despondency, self pity, self righteousness, etc. Have you ever seen a 'Debbie Downer' walk into a room? Or someone you'd call a buzz kill, wet blank, a total drag? It doesn't matter if they're wearing something from the salvation army or an Armani suit or dress, you feel the energy drop the instant they enter your space. The problem is when we constantly think negative thoughts and feel these emotions, we exude that energy. It drips out of our pours like sweat. No matter what you're wearing, it's a stain you can't hide. If you frequent those thoughts and feelings, yet are constantly trying to put on a demeanor of calm, cool and collected, well you might as well be naked.

Your beliefs create your thoughts and emotions. Your thoughts and emotions create your frame of mind. Your frame of mind you frequent sets your mood. Your mood affect who you are Being. Your Being is a cumulation of your physiology, your subsequent thoughts and the vibe you give off. If you constantly think and feel not good enough, unsexy, or insecure, then your vibe and physiology will match. The simple answer is to simply think instead that you ARE good enough, sexy and totally secure. The problem for many people is, if you've ever tried meditating, controlling or changing your thoughts can sometimes pose a bit of a challenge.

Luckily there are few easy hacks!

First, instead of focusing on your thoughts, focus on your physiology. Whatever it is you want to exude, imagine someone in front of you who already does. How do they stand? How are they breathing? How are they holding their head? Where are their shoulders? What's their posture? Their leg and arm position? What expression do they have on their face or look in their eyes?

Next, adjust your physiology to match that image. It may be foreign at first, but play with it. You can add an extra punch to this by playing music that matches the mood you want to match too! It may take a few days or a few hours. The cool thing is it's impossible to move your body in a happy, confident or exuberant way and STILL feel negative.

Once you've got the emotions to go with your physiology, now the real fun begins. Visualize everyday what you'd look and feel like when you own those emotions. Combine that with adjusting into your new physiology. Work with it. Play with it. Practice it and make it your own until it settles into it. I'd recommend doing this multiple times a day. But the most important time is the first five minutes when you wake up, because that's what sets the whole context for the rest of your day!

Don't make your attitude and mood a accessory to your outfit. Make your outfits an accessory to you who you are Being.

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How Our Inner Voice Sabotages Us

Have you ever been frustrated with yourself? Frustrated with something in your life? Wondered how you got into the spot you're in now or wondered if this is all there is? Wondered why some relationships are so uncomfortable? Or maybe wondered what caused your rollercoaster results and how to get off that ride? The answers are in your subconscious beliefs. Because everything that you have now and that exists around you is there currently because of the beliefs about yourself and your life.

But have you ever tried to examine or unearth your subconscious beliefs? Or wondered what some of them are? The problem is that sometimes seem as elusive to us as it is for NASA to confirm whether or not life existed on Mars! Fortunately for us, there are multiple ways to uncover them. One way to uncover them is to examine what we tell ourselves and others. More specifically, what people in the Neuro-Linguistic Programming community refer to as presuppositions. Presupposition are just a fancy way of saying our preconceived notions, presumptions, assumptions, beliefs or preconceptions.  A belief we assumed beforehand at the beginning of a line of argument, comment, or action. This is important because whatever it is that we presuppose creates the framework for our perspective. Our perspective in turn shapes our priorities. Our priorities in turn shapes our behaviors and our actions. False assumptions are the termites to relationships with others, ourselves and our goals.

So when you're stuck, feeling frustrated or any negative emotion, here's a few things you can do:

  1. Ask yourself, what am I assuming about this situation?

Example: "My spouse knows how upset I get when they do 'that', they just don't care."

I'm presupposing that my spouse knows I'm upset, my spouse knows that 'that' makes me upset, my spouse doesn't care, and they don't care that 'that' makes me upset.

  1. Challenge those assumptions by asking more detailed questions. 

"Sweetie, do you know how upset that makes me?"

"Do you realize I'm upset now?"

Or you can add your own presupposition, "I know you care about how I feel, so why do you do that when you know it upsets me so much?"

Ask yourself, "have I communicated specifically what makes me upset and confirmed that they understand?"

Here's another example: "They don't respect me so they never listen to me."

What are we assuming in this phrase? I'm presupposing that they don't respect me, and that never have they once listened to me, ever.

How can I challenge this assumption?

"How can I say it differently that will great even better understanding?"

"When did they last listen to me?"

"How can I position my statements in a way that they understand me even better?"

"Am I trying too hard to control the situation and others?"

"How can I accept situations better so that I can simply let go of what I can't control."

"What can I focus on instead that is a better use of my time an energy?"

Here's the thing, anything less than taking the above action is only reinforcing false beliefs within yourself, continuing to  narrow your perspective, and skewing your priorities to actions that add no true meaning or significant value to your life.

Be mindful of what you say in situations where your emotions are negatively elevated. Ask yourself what you are assuming about the situation. Where did this assumption come from? Then dive deep into it and ask questions that shift your focus constructively.

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How To NOT Be Mediocre

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Mediocre - of only ordinary or moderate quality; neither good nor bad; barely adequate.

The way to be mediocre is to let things from your past affect how you are today in such a way that you no longer play full out. The only reason we don't play full out everyday is that at some point in our life we made a decision not to. The problem is, at some point we decided, "That it was too hard. That it wasn't worth it. That it's never going to work out anyways. The last time I tried, it didn't work out so well. I can't do this. What for? Why bother? What's in it for me? What if I fail?" Something happened, a setback, a loss or a series of them that broke us down from playing big, taking the right actions and focusing on the opportunities and the outcome.  No matter who you are, what you've done, where you are and what you've accomplished, we've all asked ourselves a variation of those questions or made those statements. Some people may even be saying them right now.

The key is your frame of mind. See there are two frames you can take: a victim frame or a responsibility frame. Now a victim frame is very different from being victimized.  Everyone's been victimized where they have lived through an experience where for example something was stolen, somebody crashed into them, they were betrayed, used, hurt, wronged, disrespected, abused, etc.

A victim frame of mind is a collection of beliefs, attitudes, feelings and the decisions that you make as a result of an event. Events don't mean anything, but as a result of it, we decide what it means. We make decisions as a result of it. We decided, "because I was hurt before, I'm not going to do that again," or, "I tried before, it didn't work, I'm not going to do that again." By going through life in this way, we reliving the experience. We are still hostage to it. We stunt our lives. You know you have a victim frame of mind if there is any area of your life where you feel negative emotions.

Nobody wants a victim frame of mind, right? But if you don't want it, then why do we choose this feelings?  The reason is something called secondary gain.  Secondary gains are the “benefits” people get from NOT overcoming a problem. Secondary gains can be that they get to blame others, where they are at is comfortable, they can deflect the attention to something/someone else, they get to validate their way of being, they get sympathy from others, they feel entitlement, they get to manipulate others, they don't have to show up, or they get to look good and be right and therefore feel validated. However the payoffs are high too. It's mainly your power, but also time, self esteem, opportunity, energy, self worth, growth, peace, happiness, control, friends, connection, children, family relationships, etc. 

The good news is that this is just a state of mind. Which means you can choose another. You can decide if you want to be a victim or be responsible. By the choices you and make and don't make, you create your life. You can choose a Responsibility frame instead.

Here's an example of a victim frame of mind (true story by the way):

One day I was riding my motorcycle home from work. I continued through an intersection when out of nowhere, a truck ran the red light and T-boned me head on. Luck for me he had started hitting his breaks. Regardless he crushed my right leg into my motorcycle, luckily not hard enough to pin me to it and run me over. I did however fly 20 feet. Not before bouncing not once, but twice. The first bounce dislocated my right ankle completely and broke my right tibia bone in half and sent it through my skin. I continued to fly through the air and watch in fascination at my right foot hanging, backwards. The second bounce sheared off my helmet, luckily I was wearing a backpack so my head never hit the pavement when I finally came to a stop. The ambulance came soon after to pick me up, not before I hear the driver say I'm sorry. The nice paramedic guys gave me at least 2 morphines, but I still felt everything and unfortunately never went into shock. So I felt every bump on the way to the hospital and stayed conscious until the ER finally got me on the operating table and mercifully the anesthetics released me from reality.  I lived. I eventually walked. But my leg will never be the same again. I can't run nearly as fast and as gracefully as before. My lawyer was a sleaze so I only got $8k in my settlement. My insurance sucked so they rebuilt my bike instead of replacing it.

Here's that same story from a responsible frame of mind:

I was working two jobs, one full time and one part time, to pay for the tuition for my classes to get my Masters. So I was moonlighting at night and on weekends. I decided to ride the 45 minutes it took to get to my part time job on my motorcycle to work a late night shift after working a full 60+ hours that week. When I got done, it was still already morning. I was tired as I drove the 45 minutes to finally get home. I was 2 blocks out when I was going through an intersection. I was tired, I had been through that interaction a thousand times, and I did a half assed job glancing both ways. All clear. I wasn't paying attention enough to notice the giant white truck racing on a collision course towards me.  Luckily, I was wearing a helmet and a sturdy backpack as they both saved my life when I flew 20 feet and bounced a few times. I lived. I recovered. I unfortunately didn't do very good due diligence on my motorcycle insurance company before signing up. I went with the first one I found instead of researching a good one. He was recommended to me by a guy I knew that sold Porsches and he sold the lawyer one. Now I know to research before signing up with anything or anyone. Luckily the military paid for 100% of my medical bills so I don't have any debt. It's 10 years later, I'm still dealing with issues from the accident. All the doctors said it'd never be the same, but I didn't accept it. I'm not 100%, but I'm 1000% compared to what I used to be had I given up.  I still haven't and I never will. I have a huger appreciation for my body and take much better care of it since it's all I have.

Same story. Which one is more powerful? You can't change the past, but you can change your perspective. Your decisions. Your beliefs about it. Everyone has a story.YOU CAN REWRITE IT, CAN'T YOU? 

How To Create A CUSTOMIZED Success Routine

To close the gap and get from where you are to where you want to be, it takes an alignment between your intentions to do what it takes to get there and your beliefs about yourself. It all starts with your state of mind, doesn't it? How would you like to access a powerful state so that you can seize opportunities, make an impact, and enjoy success every single day?

If it were easy, everyone would be doing it! The problem is that while sometimes our most heartfelt intentions or best decisions to make a change can create a new neuro-pathway, they aren't followed through because they aren't given the sustenance they need to stay strong and thrive. Meaning our old way of being and our current environment still has a backdoor hold on us unless we take ownership. In moments of decision and intense intention, new neuro-pathways can be formed, however the old ones never really go away. Think of it like a commuting path. The old way has been traversed so much that it's become a superhighway.  It's been paved over, expanded on and utilized many times over. The old superhighway never goes away really, but with lack of use and lack of maintenance, like anything else, nature will reclaim. The new way of being is like a little bunny trail. It needs to be intentionally used and maintained at first.  But sometimes when we're on autopilot and not always present, we forget to use the new path and default to the old one. When this occurs, our reaction to it is critical. Never beat yourself up, quit, or question if you can do it. Simply get off the old path and get back on the new one.  The good news it is that we can easily stay on this path by developing a daily routine.  A quick, yet daily routine is what primes you and sets you up for the day to be able to access a powerful state so that you can seize opportunities, make an impact, and enjoy success. It means the difference between living the life of your dreams and settling for the path you are currently tolerating. 

So how do you create a daily routine to nurture and pave the new neuro-pathway?  Repetition is key, which is why a daily morning routine is perfect. To change, you first had to take responsibility for your old way of being. So that's what you do first; set a responsibility frame vice a victim frame. Next you acknowledge where you were, how far you've come and ALL your successes along the way. This is key because a negative experience has about 2 and a half times more impact then positive ones. Which means you need to intentionally focus on the successes. Next you acknowledge your past with gratitude. Because everything that's happened brought you to this moment now. It's taught you lessons and made you into this new and even better person. You also can give thanks for what you have, then give thanks for what you WILL have. This is key. Live and feel that you've accomplished your goals and feel the gratitude for it!  

So in summary, to set up a custom daily routine:

  1. Set a responsibility frame
  2. Acknowledge your past and current successes
  3. Give gratitude for our past, current and future successes

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How To Make This Year Different From The Last

The first question shouldn't be what is it we want for the new year, it should be, what are we bringing to the new year? The reason why most New Years Resolutions don’t work out is because we think we are starting with a clean slate, but we’re actually still carrying yesterday’s baggage. Einstein once said, "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." The same applies to creating something new!

The first thing to do then is to do what's called a Personal Archeology. Where you ask yourself a a series of questions and free write:

"What were the things I wanted to created for the prior year?"

"What were all the things that I let get in the way?"

"What were all the excuses and reasons that I let become more important than making last year even better?"

"If there is a connection between them, what is it?"

"Why did I let all those reasons become more important?"

Notice the line of questioning isn't, "What or who stopped me." Because it has nothing to do with other people. Because people will be people. Life will be life. Both will happen this year as it did last year. Changing that isn't with our control, but changing ourselves absolutely is!

We continue on asking and writing, but now we move into the transformation piece:

"What's the lesson I can learn about myself?"

"Who do I need to become to rise above them, what qualities must I strengthen within myself?"

"What would it look and feel like to be that person?"

"What's one thing I can start doing everyday to become that?"

"What will my life be like once I've integrated this new way of being into my life?

"What will my life be like to be that person who rises above my past and accomplishes my goals for this year?"

Once that ONE thing becomes a habit and who you are, what's the next thing. Add that to your routine. Rinse and repeat!

Would love to hear your thoughts and what comes up for you! Happy New Year and make it EPIC!

How Shyness Is A Narcissistic Prison

Sometimes it's the most trivial beliefs that blankets our entire perception.  Everyone has experienced shyness. Some more than others. Some in public settings when speaking in front of a group or surrounded  by new people at a large gathering or perhaps walking into a new setting where everyone already knows each other. Or perhaps one on one with either a new person or someone you are taken aback by. 

We feel the eyes on us that are sizing us up, even judging us.  And when you think about it, this happens in a matter of literally seconds and then dismissed. Think about it, we do it all the time, sometimes consciously, but mostly unconsciously.  The problem is that sometimes we spend so much energy dwelling on this before, during or after the meeting or event.  Some people spend their entire day boxed into this belief. It becomes insidious when underneath it we believe that we aren't good enough. And now we unconsciously believe that everyone else is thinking the same thing. That's truly what shyness is.

The good news is that there are several solutions!! First, everyone is thinking the same thing - while you may be worried about what others are thinking of you, guess what, they all are too! Second, its a natural human, instinctual action. Thousands of years ago, when we came across a sabertooth in the woods, we needed to know whether or not they are just passing us by or if they've decided we'd make a great dinner.  Or when we came across a foreign tribal person while getting water at the river, we needed to size up if they were friend or foe.  Fast forward today, definitely not the case. We don't need to worry if we're going to be sized up and judged, because we absolutely will! People can't help it. But when it does, it happens within seconds. It's over long after we're still wondering about it. And regardless of what they decide, it's not a life or death scenario.

Thirdly, if we do feel shyness, we now know that underlying it all, we have are having a momentary lapse in our belief in ourselves. We've just identified a weakness, and now we know where and what we need to work on! Now we can get to work! Just sit down with it and get curious. What's this feeling trying to tell me? What's the lesson it's trying to teach me that once learned, I'd have an unshakable belief that I'm loved and safe? What's the lesson that once learned, I'd be even more fortified to do and accomplish important things?

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How The Stories We Tell Ourselves Hold Us Back

Regardless of where and what kind of household we are born into, we are all presented with an infinite amount of unique opportunities.  If that weren't true, then there wouldn't be the self made millionaires and billionaires.  The problem is that we only see the world as it IS. We see the world as we ARE.

Sometimes we can have one really major setback.  And sometimes we just hit a bad streak. It doesn't matter who you are or what you've accomplished, sometimes something just comes up that rocks us out of our orbit. Life is just funny in that way. But it's our story about the circumstance and the meaning that we assign it that either propels us forward, or pushes us back. If we tell ourselves, "not again," or "why does this always happen to me," or "I can't believe this is happening," or "what did I do to deserve this," or "why NOW of all times".... we've automatically assigned a negative meaning. And now we're reinforcing our old story that things don't or aren't going to work out for us. And the more often it happens, the more we're further cementing this old belief in place. That's not how the world IS. It's how we ARE. If we can't see the opportunities that are there, because of how we are. How we are assigning meaning. How we are focusing our attention. How we are being and showing up.

But what if we had a different belief about what setbacks mean?And instead, what if we assigned a positive meaning? Or no meaning at all? Or no meaning at all? We wouldn't have all that negative emotional clutter would we? And when we don't have all that clutter, we can see things more clearly, can't we? And when we can see things more clearly, we're open to new opportunities and possibilities, aren't we? And when we're open and clear, we don't have to be persistent about going after them. We just are!

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How the Expectations of Others Hold Us Back

The belief that we have to live up to other people's expectations, are the most insidious limiting beliefs of them all.

A long time ago when we didn't yet have the capacity to make decisions for ourselves, we trusted someone else to tell us how to dress, how to act, how to behave, what we should do and what we should be like. We trusted them because we did not yet have a point of reference for ourselves, so we had no other choice.

Fast forward a few decades, do we still not have a choice? Do we still not have a point of reference? The answer is a resounding "absolutely not!" Yet we still move throughout the day with those same voices that have been imprinted on us telling us HOW we should be. I should be more... I have to do... Some people are in the careers they are in now, pushing themselves endlessly the way they are now, just to live up to what they believe their paternal or maternal figure would have wanted. To please them. To gain their approval or validation that we are good enough. For some people, regardless of where they are and what they've accomplished, it'll never be enough. And that's not even the end of it. There's another later.

The other layer is that when we don't feel good enough, we are tapping into only a fraction of our potential. When we tape into a fraction of our potential, we only take a fraction of the action.  When you take a fraction of the action, guess what, NOW we're playing small. That's the fatal flaw of limiting beliefs. One limiting belief leads to another limiting belief which over time creates other limiting beliefs. Over the course of our life, ONE limiting belief spreads its roots throughout our mind and create a network of other limiting beliefs. Like an untended weed that overtime spreads and overrun the most beautiful of gardens.

Our mind is like this garden. We must be vigilant to what grows in there. We must monitor our thoughts daily. If a thought or action doesn't uplift you, inspect it. If upon inspection you find it doesn't serve you, where are it's roots? Once we find the roots, we dig it out and replace it with another seed of a belief that serves us. Once we plant another seed, now it's time to nurture it daily so that it takes root and grows and spreads in our mind.

How Blaming Reveals Your Biggest Blindspots

Isn't it funny how this applies with humans too?

It's so much easier to focus on the faults of another person, then to expand our awareness to the environment and elements contributing the circumstance... or even ourselves. This is how limiting beliefs are formed and perpetuated. So many times have I seen parents be so quick to scold or fault a child or wonder why they aren't doing, listening, becoming what they want. I cringe whenever I see it. I see it with adults as well! I watch lovers and spouses bicker at one another. Or a partner blame and criticize the other without any thought whatsoever to what they are doing or how they contributed. The person being blamed or criticized most likely grew up in very similar environment. And the sad part is, the antagonizer usually grew up to being antagonized too. Yet one grew into the oppressor, the other into the oppressed. They both end up being the opposite side of the same coin. This blindspot causes them to recreate their antagonist/protagonist situation. Until one, or both, wakes up!

When we finally see how we attracted the people and circumstances in our lives because of the story and beliefs we tell ourselves, then we can begin to break the cycle! Because here's the deal, shit happens to everyone. It's the meaning we assign it and the story we tell ourselves that makes something or someone good, bad or ugly. We've been making it all up all along! Which means, we created it! And that is the best news of all, because that then means, we can create something different! Doesn't it?

Isn't It Annoying When Someone Angers You?

In most cases, when someone or something angers you, it's not really about them, the topic in question or the situation, it's about you. They pushed a button in you... You're reacting to an old memory of when you felt hurt, shame, fear or betrayal. You have something in you that is unresolved.

People get angry so they don't have to re-experience those old emotions. But if you make the effort to experience it, it's trying to tell you something. When you figure out what that something is, you have space to resolve it. Isn't that effort worth experiencing those old feelings for the very last time?

Make an effort every day to be present to something that triggers you. Then one day, you'll have a hard time finding any. How awesome is that?

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How Gossip Reveals Your Blindspots

I recently had to let go a relationship that no longer serves me. It was painful to do because these people have been a huge influencing factor on the person I am today. They're very near and dear to my heart and always will be.  The circumstances around it are neither here nor there, but we both played our part to get to where we are. Neither party is more guilty than the other, because truthfully we were playing into our own programs and ended up being opposite sides of the same coin, until now. 

Underneath my hard exterior, used to be a people pleaser.  The tough exterior was a product of a decision made early on as a child, but prior to that, the underlying program was to please, to do whatever it takes to receive love and care, even at the cost of myself.  Even after gaining approval from a 'proverbial' parental figure, it was still not enough  and quickly turned hostile. So receiving safety and unconditional love were not part of my underlying map of reality. Fast forward, this was what was driving my life in the past. For those of you who know me well, that should explain a lot ;).

So here's the thing, we each have our own programs. Ways of getting love and justifying actions.  When we feel wronged, we create stories to match these programs to justify our actions and inactions.  By talking ABOUT other people when we have a conflict, we are essentially verbalizing our 'story' and receiving validation from the people around us, without even considering the other point of view. We hear what we want to hear and perceive what you want to perceive. When we don't communicate, we fill the gaps between facts with STORIES, and when that happens we look for evidence to confirm it. Even when none exists. Whereas if we SUSPEND our knee jerk thought process, and LISTEN to the other side,  be open to what their saying, and most importantly take RESPONSIBILITY to our roles, there's a gold chance to form an even deeper trust and relationship... A chance so often most people miss. Especially since it takes both parties to be willing. 

Even if you think you've processed, chances are you may be still operating from those old programs because you haven't established and PRACTICED a new way of being. No matter where you are, willingness to and importance of stepping into another person's perspective and seeing through their eyes is huge. 

What would happen if THIS was our knee jerk reactions with our family, loved ones, friends, coworkers, politicians, and the world??

Remember: YOU. OWN. THIS.

- Jade Goodhue

PS. If you're curious about my Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) services, please don't hesitate to contact me! Or get my complimentary download on 'How to Overcome Anything!'

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How to STOP Struggling With Insecurities NOW

Ever notice that more or less, we look different in photos or at events then when we first wake up? Others even more dramatically so? I know I do. For me I notice my bed crimped hair and my unruly frizzes. My mind instantly goes to images of beautiful women with long, straight, impossibly silky hair that flows and frames their face with every shift of their head. Neither wind, rain, sleet or explosions sets a single strand out of place! Every strand falls gracefully back into place like a butterfly landing on a flower!

We each have our insecurities that are both internal and external to us. We forget that other people's best, while natural in some areas, came at a cost in others. Cost in time, money and energy. Think of a movie, the number of takes before they get the scene exactly right. It takes countless hours of failed scenes before they get it right! Have you ever watched the some of the outtakes of unused scenes that they sometimes include in bonus reels? Ever notice how they're all having fun? That's the trick. They know they're going to have to do it over and over again. That they didn't get it the first time, isn't a reflection of their talent or who they are. They bring their best to ever scene and tinker with it like a mechanic. They accept it and they have fun with it, because getting frustrated would be counterproductive. How is life any different??

To do ANYTHING less than this is the EXACT equivalent of saying: "My story about my insecurities is more important than my dream. My stories are more important than me being happy. My bullshit stories are more important than taking my life, my business and the lives of of the people I love and care about to the next level." Let that sink in.

Here's an easy way to stop focusing on your insecurities: When those feelings of insecurities creep in, remember that no one notices them except you because everyone else is too busy worrying about theirs. Instead of resisting, just have fun with it.

Remember: YOU. OWN. THIS.

- Jade Goodhue

PS. If you're curious about my Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) services, please don't hesitate to contact me! Or get my complimentary download on 'How to Overcome Anything!'

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